State of the Union

It's right there. U.S. Constitution -- Article II, Section 3.

"...shall from time to time..."

"...give to the Congress," (so, I'm stretching this just a bit here), "Information of the State of the Union, and recommend to their Consideration such measures..."

This moment. Right now. The [present] State of Affairs.

With a recommendation to consider for how to proceed.

And isn't this what we're all craving?

The announcer's, "He's winding up, ladies and gentlemen... and he's ready for the pitch..."

We wait with bated breath.

For the decision. The diagnosis. The announcement. The call.

The benchmark.

Then...

(And one of my all-time favorite State of the Union addresses...)

The change of command, followed by this...

"Now therefore,"

That word: therefore. It's the image of strength and solidarity. It's, "listen, I've set you up for success. I've got you. Act accordingly."

In this case, the very next word after 'therefore?'

"...arise,"

ohmyword. Perhaps you're a little like me? Perhaps you experienced moments in which overwhelm paralyzed you? Moments where life took an unexpected, jolting turn? Or maybe, like me, you made a foolish decision that resulted in far-reaching and disastrous consequences? (Yep, I did that. With financial repercussions like aftershocks from an earthquake. ugh. I'll have to tell you that story sometime.)

But there it is. Now. Therefore. Arise.

"...go..."

"...go over this Jordan, you and all this people, to the land which I am giving to them -- the children of Israel."

And the One Who created this people and has a vision for their lives, continues, "Every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given you, as I said to Moses."

He lays it out, "From the wilderness... to the Great Sea toward the going down of the sun, shall be your territory."

And I love how God knows we need a bit of reassurance that we're not in this alone.

"...as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you nor forsake you."

So?

"Be strong and of good courage..."

"Only be strong and very courageous..." And the counsel to not turn to the right or the left of Truth, but to stay the course, "that you may prosper wherever you go."

There it is. The recommendation for how to proceed. And what if we all considered such measures? Be strong and very courageous. Build a life of habits based on Truth. Know that you're authorized to prosper wherever you go.

And all the life hacks, programs, seven steps and frameworks? It's actually much more simple than the headlines have led us to believe.

For all the brokenness and heartache and the fact that it wasn't supposed to be like this, whatever our 'this' is, the truth remains that we can choose to fix our minds -- our hearts -- on Truth. That we can declare Truth, meditate on Truth day and night, and act on Truth.

"For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success."

And who couldn't stand to be a little, (or a lot), more prosperous and successful in their relationships, and work, and finances, and leisure, and health?

And just in case there's any doubt about our consideration to such measures, he reiterates, "Have I not commanded you?..."

[and because if you're anything like me and you've heard these words a gzillion-trillion times so you zone out with a haphazard, yeh, yeh, I've heard it all before... let these words spark neurons, strengthen hope-giving synapses, and breathe new life]

"Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."


Reflecting on 2018. Acknowledging the State of the Present. Moving forward with strength and courage, vision and expectation.

December Money Experiment, Season 1, Final Episode

“Your feedback on our December Money Experiment?”

It’s a rare occasion to have all six of us home at the same time. A quick glance at the family calendar provides a sense of urgency. I have less than twenty minutes for a team meeting. Now, huddled in the living room of our extra-large tiny townhouse, we’re asking those timeless questions, what worked, what didn’t? Asking, what might we do different?  

“Mom, our house is just kind of a crash pad right now.” Ezekiel’s eyes hold mine. I process his metaphor.

Later, I would look up the definition of crash pad… 1. informal – a place to sleep, especially for a single night or in an emergency. 2. a thick piece of shock-absorbing material for the protection of the occupants of an aircraft cockpit or motor vehicle. Also, for a gymnast or for boulder climbing.

This season of transition, the launching of ideas, work, goals, projects.

This experiment stripped the fluff and superfluous. In exchange for an overflowing pantry and refrigerator, we received the gift of insight.

There it was.

All our desires. Laid out bare.

Bare necessities, yes. Like food. Sure.

I’m curious, though… can a basic need like food cause the dreaded onset of …complacency? Maybe?

The first ten days or so landed nothing short of victorious. Working within parameters stirred my creativity and imagination, resulting in delicious culinary creations. The atmosphere went from tense and worrisome to hey, this might be fun after all.

Until the only items left on the pantry shelves were a bag of flax seed, white wine vinegar and yellow corn meal. Half a box of pasta and a bag of “Glorious Gluten-free Cookies” from Christ Kitchen faced one another in their private arena, their incongruence begging the question, What is the intention?

The challenge was to live on a grocery budget of $200 for a month with a family of six. That comes out to roughly $6.45 a day for December. Only ten days in and we had already spent $96.09.

Three dollars and sixteen cents a day more than the allotment.

Worry crept back in at the edges. The refrigerator door made a hollow fmp when closed. Instead of bold, faith-filled declarations, a few team members fretted, we might starve.

And, you know that question… What will you be famous for? Well, in our family, something I’m (in)famous for is “turning everything into a life lesson.” Yes, well, eh-hem… about that. Funny how a gnawing in an empty stomach can make space to consider the deepest desires of the heart. 

The stark reminder that we’re spiritual beings having a physical experience.

And the life-giving truths, metaphorically chewing on them, Delight yourself also in the Lord…* Then Matthew’s exhortation, But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness...**

Whispered reflection, what do I want most? What does my heart long for? Heh. I glance over at my vision board where there in the lower right-hand corner it reads …a gourmet chef’s kitchen and a team of world class chefs. They live on the premises and prepare healthy meals for all meals every day of the week. Ah! A small taste (excuse the pun) of heaven in all this grocery-budgeting, ingredient-improvising and recipe-innovating.

So, there’s the vision, the goal (at least for the kitchen)… and in the meantime… in the present…

{long smile} “Do not fret – it only causes harm.”*** And, “Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”**** Well, yes, about that, too.

Instead of fretting, instead of getting carried away by tomorrow’s unknowns, I wonder…

…how simple, how amazing if…

What if, I wanted to know more of God’s heart… you know, the way I want food? What if we longed to be filled with more of God’s Spirit, the way we hunger for savory succulence hot out of the oven? What if we decided to be wholly satisfied with the sustenance found in the Sustainer of our days? 

What if, we leveraged our physical longings as a nudging reminder of our soul’s deeper longing?

What if, we followed the example of the psalmist, the wholehearted declaration, One thing I have desired of the Lord, that will I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His temple. (Psalm 27:4) Yes, that… to encounter His presence… in “the premises” of my heart and soul… an ongoing communion…

Last week I read The Screwtape Letters by C. S. Lewis. There’s a part where Screwtape, a demon on a mission to ruin a man’s soul, writes to his nephew regarding gluttony, “But what do quantities matter, provided we can use a human belly and palate to produce querulousness, impatience, uncharitableness, and self-concern?” Yes, there. Not the quantity, just the mere appetite.

Funny how something as fundamental as food presented possible epiphanies. How it shook up the complacent areas and caused me to consider this foodstuff on a soul-deep level.

Of course, I only pondered this all in my own heart as I looked at the five pairs of eyes looking back at me during this team debrief. Yes, the crash pad metaphor. Back to that. I especially like the second meaning, “a thick piece of shock-absorbing material for the protection of the occupants…”

{hold the wheel, that’s right, hold the wheel as we continue round this corner} This curve in the road with grown children finding their way, all of us – us parents included – stepping out into new endeavors, the faith-filled, bold declaration: I will behold the beauty of the Lord, to delight myself in Him, to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness. To lean into the transition, the new rhythm.

To execute on an idea. To take on fulfilling work. To achieve a goal, and then another, and another. To challenge ourselves, stretch out of our comfort zone and pursue projects that build a legacy of impact, changing the world around us for the better.

What if those are simply the fruit of utilizing our appetites, cravings, hunger pangs – whatever you call them – to lay bare the deepest longings of our soul? And to know Spirit absorbs the shock of our disappointments, impatience, frustrations, and setbacks.

So, we didn’t exactly work out all the kinks and fumbles in this experiment. And we didn’t succeed in the $200 challenge. The receipts from December 1^st through the 28^th document $235.80. Then, for some reason, on the 28^th, we ended the experiment… the receipts totaling $307.86 through the 31^st of the month. whelp. 

Based on the numbers, the experiment failed. Yet, the insights gained are priceless.

“So how do we make this a strategic, functional, effective crash pad, not just to meet physical needs, but for soul-care, too?”

The next fifteen minutes or so, we brainstorm ideas, possibilities. We establish a few outcomes from the experiment that will inform our next steps. For example, this new season in our family creates an atmosphere that more closely resembles a fraternity/sorority house of creatives and innovators than anything we’ve had before. Rarely is there more than one or two people home at the same time. 

Based on what we learned, we'll continue to look for ways to practice frugality. 

We'll give each other grace and space as we're all entering and exiting the revolving door of our home. 

We'll support one another in our goals and ambitions.

We'll continue to look for ways to create a culture of honor both here and everywhere we show up. One way we'll do this is to check in with one another, "How is it going for you? Is there anything I can do to honor and bless you?"  

We'll up the ante when it comes to praying for and with one another. (Something we've allowed to fall by the wayside.) 

We'll continue to seize moments to laugh together and serve together. And, ohmyheart... the ongoing, life-giving conversations around here! Yes, those. Whether a few minutes or a couple of hours, we'll definitely continue those conversations. 

What about you? Where can you challenge yourself? In what area might you create an experiment that could help you and your team create an environment that's aligned with who you are and who you want to become? 

*Psalm 37:4

**Matthew 6:33

***Psalm 37:8

****Matthew 6:34

Counting blessings…

303. All this, written while my family is a swirl of activity around me, making the traditional requested breakfast for Ezekiel on this, his 20^th birthday. French toast, scrambled eggs with sausage, and orange juice. Small tastes of heaven.

304. A new job for me! A continuation of my life’s work and passion: investing in and coaching families! Woohoohoo!! Thank You, Jesus!

305. A husband and grown children who are all stepping out in faith and pursuing God-sized dreams.

306. Difficult conversations and the ensuing decision to reign in ego, ask questions, listen, clarify and validate, share authentically, listen more. The resulting intimacy.

307. The glorious and exciting news of a friend’s outrageous success on a project.

308. An evening spent in the company of matriarchs who have loved, coached, mentored and invested in me for over twenty-one years.

309. A book that’s hung out at the top of my “To Read List” for way too many years, finally finished. And the 5+ pages of single-spaced, type-written notes from The Screwtape Letters which has given me plenty of fodder for future conversational musings.

310. A whole weekend to read and study Ruby K. Payne’s Doctoral Thesis, A Framework for Understanding Poverty.

311. An afternoon and evening with Aunt Kathy and Uncle Jake, (Grandma and Grandpa to our children), engaging in deep conversation, bouncing around ideas, seeking solutions to challenges. Aunt Kathy makes a lasagna dinner with all the sides and then we wile away the rest of the evening playing a game and laughing until we find ourselves reigning each other back in for the next round. LeRoy and Uncle Jake bond over the NFL game on television.

312. The anticipation of the week ahead.

313. All six of us home this morning for Ezekiel’s Birthday Breakfast. And again, this evening for his Birthday Dinner. Annnnd, in the interim, the opportunity for Ezekiel to go skiing with Eli and Israel. For LeRoy and Isaiah to hang out together and watch the NFL game at Uncle Jake’s and Aunt Kathy’s house. For a few hours of quiet space for myself.

December Money Experiment, Season 1, Episode 1

"I'd like to propose a grocery budget of $200 a month." His tone is faith and resolve. After all, our oldest spent the last year traveling with a team of 21. They made the best of meager resources. They sacrificed, he says. And they learned to be creative. 

He's confident our team of six has seriously underestimated what we're capable of in the areas of meals, nutrition and budgets. No worries, he assures us, trust him and he'll show us what can be achieved.

"I second that." Our third born, all logic and data, says he's in. His frugality has paid him huge dividends. So he's backing the idea in wholehearted agreement. And he agrees with his oldest brother, that we've probably been overspending on groceries. 

Our second oldest listens from the sidelines. And our daughter? She looks on, both bemused and curious. Unaffected. 

The proposal came about during a team meeting. "Regarding finances, I'd like to renegotiate some terms." All eyes turned toward Ezekiel. He shared a few goals and then, Eli, (inspired by Ezekiel's ambition?), pitched his idea.  

How did LeRoy and I respond to this proposal? Well, I laughed as I retrieved the finance notebook. 

Tracking income and expenses -- to the penny, it's a hobby. Accounting for checks and balances.  Making financial strategies and predictions. Creating margin. Organizing outgo, crunching numbers, and moving us toward financial freedom is fun. Romantic, even. 

I casually flipped pages, reporting each month's numbers, each one hovering significantly above the new proposed amount. 

No matter. I smiled. "I'm in." 

LeRoy (very) reluctantly agreed. It's for a short time and we'll chock it up to an experiment, I told him. Who knows, I shrugged, maybe we'll discover something we wouldn't have otherwise. 

So here we are. I'm a little behind on the documentation of this experiment, but so far, so good. Each of us agreed to contribute $50 toward the grocery budget along with meal planning and preparation, with LeRoy and I taking the first week. 

ohmygosh. I love it! There's nothing quite like boundaries and limits to spark creativity. Each day I perused the contents of our refrigerator, freezer and pantry with the question, "What can I make with what we have on hand?" 

Pasta drizzled with olive oil and garlic. Cream of broccoli soup paired with garlic bread, a chicken casserole, breakfast burritos (made in an extra-large batch and frozen for quick lunches later). I regret that I didn't track the meals better, but the ratings were five out of five.

Ezekiel took the second week, slightly leaner, yet nonetheless delicious. A second round of breakfast burritos, (this time with sausage, less veggies), enchiladas, and tacos.

Heading into our third week of this experiment. Will keep you posted on the intrigue and suspense, the creativity and imagination sparked by this challenge.

Counting blessings...

(continued from this post)

297. Presence.

298. Moments.

299. Time.

300. Creativity.

301. The way Eli passionately suggested that our family shake things up, take more risks, make sacrifices and try new things. 

302. Being on a team of good sports who know how to both go for the win and still keep things lighthearted and fun.

Meet One of My Coaches

This business of serving and leading those in our sphere of influence . . .it's not for the faint of heart.


"We're in the middle of a corporate restructuring and I sure would love it if a professional consultant or coach would come to our headquarters to help us." I said it completely serious, our friends knowing that by "corporate" I mean our family and "restructuring" means, we're going through a season of transition. But when I say, "...a professional consultant or coach," I mean exactly a professional consultant or coach. 

I think he was half-joking, but Mark chuckled and raised his hand, "I'll do it." I looked across the room at him.

"You're on."

*Side note: He's 11-years old.

After Life Group, he and I stood in the kitchen, looking at my calendar. His mom stood off to the side as he glanced up at the ceiling as though his schedule hung there, invisible to everyone but him. 

"I believe Wednesday at 1:00 will work." His eyes met mine and then we both glanced over at his mom for affirmation. Yes, 1:00 then.

On Wednesday, one of my board members, (my son, Ezekiel), and I knocked on the door of their temporary lodging facilities, the short-term apartments for families about to re-locate to another military base. His parents apologized for not being able to stay, "We just have so many errands to run and last-minute preparations to make . . ." She hugged me and closed the door behind her. 

"Have a seat," Mark gestured toward the sparse furnishings. "So, tell me what you're working on." He sat across from us on a swivel recliner and watched as I took a notebook and pen from my bag.

Over the course of the next 90 minutes, Mark asked brilliant questions, challenged me to dig deep, discover underlying motives, prioritize, break down goals into doable action steps, and even helped me come up with a "stop doing" list. He brainstormed game-changing ideas with me. He listened. 

In fact, he didn't really talk much at all except for the questions he asked me. Sometimes, I rambled. (That might be an understatement.) And still, he was able to take my ramblings, form a concise, coherent summary, and use it to lead the conversation forward with another intelligent question.

The meeting was professional and effective. In fact, I credit that coaching session for the breakthrough in our family over the next couple of days.

Takeaway: Are you training your employees, supervisors, children, colleagues, teammates . . . to lead through coaching? 

Are you cultivating a culture that values listening, asking great questions, and engaging in meaningful conversations? 

The value of a coach cannot be overstated. If you have goals, make sure you also have someone to hold you accountable, challenge you, brainstorm ideas with, and leverage strategic and actionable problem solving techniques. 

**Mark's mom is a co-founder and Management Consultant at Overt Resolutions Group helping companies with conflict resolution and strategic problem solving. 

See where Mark gets his influence and training? ;) 

Wake-Up Call

I used to keep a quirky collection: wake-up calls.

My two all-time favorites were Grouse Mountain Lodge in Whitefish, Montana and Edelweiss Resort in Garmisch-Partenkirchen, Germany. While I don't remember exactly how the one at Grouse Mountain went, I do know the one in Edelweiss.

I call the front desk just as I'm about to go to bed to request the receptionist to set the call. At the arranged time, a cheery, (but not annoying), female voice greets you with,

Gruss Gott and good morning! It's time to wake up! 

The world's greatest playground is waiting. 

It's so inviting and enthusiastic, I've been known to set it twice in one day. 

If only all of life's wake-up calls played out like this.

*~*~*~*

Yesterday, I spent two hours laughing so hard tears streamed down my face and left me breathless. Isaiah and I went through half, (half!), a box of school papers and notes from fourteen years ago. Oh, the notes and drawings were funny in and of themselves, but then with Isaiah's commentary. . . 

Then last night, we set the box in the middle of the living room, surrounded by all four of our children. Together, we sorted through the pile, reminiscing and laughing until we were all doubled over.

Another thing that happened yesterday is that Isaiah bought an airplane ticket back to the States.

So, sitting there in the middle of sweet notes, I love you, Eli. Do you want to play basketball tomorrow? Isaiah, and small hand prints left on card stock with finger paint, the words, Happy Mother's Day scrawled across the top, I thought about wake-up calls.

Having these last several months with our entire family together has felt like a bonus gift tagged onto an already great gift. It's been time in which I've cherished every nuance, every shared laugh, the difficult conversations, the inspirational moments. 

Knowing we're standing at the threshold of an empty nest, is a fantastic wake-up call, "Drink in all the moments! Your birds are about to take flight! Heart wide open!"

*~*~*~*

I've experienced wake-up calls at hotels where the phone robot was a monotone, "This is your wake-up call."

And other hotels where it was the receptionist at the front desk, who sounded like she was working through a list, "g'dmorning. This's the wake up call you requested." click.

sigh.

Hotels have wake-up calls, So do people. I want the culture of our company, (aka: family), to contribute a sense of anticipation and wild enthusiasm to those we come in contact with.

Life is full of wake-up calls. We have a responsibility to create cultures of honor in the spaces we influence. One way to do that is to make sure our wake-up calls are laden with love, truth, and dignity.

Crazy People

Two things to share with you:


1) Silly, messy people with a story to tell ~

And 2) For encouragement's sake, I implore you... if you would spend just 1 minute and 47 seconds today to read the post, Missionaries Are Crazy People... 




*Photo taken while visiting the Gardens at Schonbrunn Palace in Vienna, Austria in September 2011.

First Impressions

I don't know what I imagined Nepal would be like.  I underestimated the Himalayan Mountains.  I realize -- much to my chagrin... again -- that my ethnocentric attitudes are deeply embedded.  It is unnerving to bring my Western mindset to a foreign culture only to find that my schemas don't translate into their way of life or their belief systems.  Again and again, I am humbled to learn just how much I don't know about the world and how very much I have to learn about loving people -- really, truly loving people.  The kind of love that refuses to "fix" and "rescue" but just. loves.  Without any strings attached.  Oh!  How my own children would love for me to learn to love them without the relentless lectures and "in your face" pride that says "you're doing it all wrong... here let me show you the right way to do that."  How do I know it's the right way?  Oh, Lord!  Help me learn to listen!  Help me learn to learn!

We started our day today with a walk on a trail behind the Beine's house.  Dave gave great insights into history and culture along the way.  It's a tremendous blessing to visit a place with someone who is knowledgeable about that place.  Not just knowledgeable... but someone who truly cares about and loves the people who live there.  Quite inspiring, actually! 

After our morning walk, us adults sat down for breakfast: "Nitty Gritty" (an oatmeal/Cream of Wheat/Oat Bran sort of cereal with a texture closely resembling a bowl of cooked barley) and toast.  The children have all connected with the naturalness of cousins reuniting; and so they occupied themselves until time to go on "balloon rounds" at the Tansen Mission Hospital.

Balloon rounds entailed a cart full of balloons and stuffed animals to give to each child on the pediatric floor to cheer them up and offer distraction from their illness.  It's refreshing to enter a hospital and simply love on people without all the rigamarole of background checks and applications and whatnot in order to be granted entrance.  (Thank goodness we can love our neighbors next door and on our street without that, right?!  Though, I'm not discrediting the validity of checking into a person's character before letting them "serve" as I know a person's heart can be dark.)  It was inspiring to see the level of professional medical care at the hospital, care delivered by a staff that loves deeply, intensely.  These patients are not just numbers or random names on a list or more insurance claims.  The doctors and nurses and other personnel have made deliberate decisions to work or serve there; decisions accompanied by sacrifice and a passion for loving people without worldly gain.

After visiting all those precious babies and children and smiling and smiling and smiling, (because a smile says "I love you" in every language), while bowing with my hands together and greeting, "Namaste" (pronounced nah-mah-stay), we walked back to the house, a little later than expected, (more about that later), for Tea Time.  Mmmmm... Chi Tea and all of us together to listen to Dave read the book, At the Foot of the Snows by David E. Watters!

Our ragamuffin group finished our tea and tromped off on the narrow Himalayan Mountain trails to visit the market in town.  The shopping goal of all these boys-becoming-men?  Hm.  Well, for knives, of course!  Authentic Khukuri knives used by the Gurkha Soldiers!  This mama totally felt like a fifth wheel on this little venture...  {sigh}  Already, they've mentioned they're looking forward to having Grandpa Whitworth teach them how to sharpen and shine their knives.  I'm looking foward to the stories of wisdom and insight my dad will share with the boys while teaching them stewardship and responsibility!

We returned to the house and ate a traditional lunch of Dal Baat (I'm almost positive I spelled that wrong) which consists of rice and vegetables... and is delicious!  Kimberly came home from the hospital to join us and we all got to process the morning... and listen to Kimberly share about some of the medical cases at the hospital.

Now the children and their teacher, Ethan, and LeRoy are on the hillside playing ball in a field while I take a few minutes to share a blissful morning.  Blissful.  And humbling.  Two of my children have already mentioned that they could see themselves living here someday.  That alone makes my heart smile and smile! 

Oh!  That our family would learn to love the way Jesus loves!  That we would learn to chase after Eternity!  That we would learn to see the world through God's eyes!  That the things of this world would fade as we live to give ourselves away!  That we would embrace the moments on this Kingdom Journey that will transform us! 

Hugs from Nepal.

Field Work

Give me profound. Something that rattles my paradigms and shakes loose the chains in which I store my judgmental, unloving perspectives. Let me go to the field.

There’s a scene in Indiana Jones, Kingdom of The Crystal Skull, which quickens my heartbeat. Dr. Jones and Mutt are on a motorcycle fleeing for their lives in a high speed chase. As Mutt attempts to out-maneuver their pursuers he ends up riding into the university library where he lays the bike on its side and slides down the center of the building. They skid to a stop just before colliding with a group of students attending a lecture. Without missing a beat, one of the students on the front row asks Dr. Jones – who listens while brushing himself off and getting back on the bike – a question about archeology.

Mutt restarts the bike’s engine and starts to ride away as Jones answers the question, shouting the last bit of counsel over his shoulder and pointing to the young man,

“If you want to be a good archeologist, you gotta get out of the library!”

He shouts this to the young man… but he may as well be shouting it to me.

And it was standing in a circle in the driveway, our family and the family we had just met the day before, them praying blessing over our family as we get ready to set out on an epic adventure, which made my heart race. This family who invited us to stay in their home while attending the homeschool conference for the weekend… the ones we stayed up with until 12:30 in the morning sharing stories and laughter like we’d been friends for a lifetime. The profound intimacy and beauty of Kingdom Connections.

I am finding profound in these Kingdom moments. These seek-ye-first-the-kingdom-of-God-and-His-righteousness moments when I am filled to so full that I think I’ll surely burst with the eternal-ness. Moments when Heaven’s horizon is so close that I can wrap my arms around it, embrace it, and revel in the all-these-things-shall-be-added-unto-you of it all.

It comes to me through the crackly, “wait, what did you say? You’re cutting out…” voice on the line all the way from Southeast Africa – in the friendship that transcends oceans and continents and the supernatural connection that doesn’t wane. Her laughter and encouragement a grace gift I tuck in my heart and replay over and over.

Field moments, one right after the other, connections between people turning ordinary into extraordinary in kitchens, on telephones, over e-mail, on the bleachers at the game, in a card thoughtfully chosen with a word of encouragement written inside, in classrooms, cafes…

Raphael's "And how can we pray for you?" in the French-bakery-turned-church.  The way our friends opened their home and their hearts, invited us to share in their ministry of loving people.  How they showed us that spending time in the field is tangible, moment by moment caring for the other in the tension and struggle and victory and celebration.

So it is with much anticipation that our family is setting out on an epic adventure, getting “out of the library” to do some field work, to use all our senses to experience what we’ve only previously read and heard about.

We leave for Nepal this Tuesday, arriving in Kathmandu on Wednesday afternoon. 

Grateful for the profound...

169. In the way that Israel finishes reading part of the story about Moses telling Pharoah to let the people go, closing her Bible with a sigh and, "All the good books stop right when it's getting really good and I wonder what's going to happen next."

170. The evening my girlfriend and I pulled into the driveway and the two-hour conversation that ensued.

171. And the depth of vulnerability and authenticity cultivated in a friendship through doing life together.

172. In the level of (desperate, eventually-joyful) dependence on God as I realize daily that I'm in way over my head in this mission of motherhood and the pressing into the struggle of training up becoming-adults.

173. ...Grace.

174.  Wisdom offered up when my attitude of defeat and self-pity bubbled out over the phone to a friend and she gently reminded me that there isn't anything in my life that's an oversight on God's part.  How that He's known it all along and He's got it all under control.

175. ...sense of peace that comes from knowing I'm not responsible for "running the universe."

176. Thoughtfulness of husband who sacrifices in a thousand small and not-so-small ways everyday.

177.  In the way that his love continues to cover in spite of my selfishness... and how that alone somehow loves me right into his arms.

178. Exhortation of 14-year old Zae who gently reminds, "Instead of stressing, stop and take a second to pray about this."

179. Laughter all round as we linger long at the dinner table sharing stories from our day.

180. Anticipation of not knowing what lies ahead as we embark on a Kingdom Journey together.

181. Dialogue filled with passion and conviction.

182. Awareness that almost five years have gone by since we moved to Germany.

183. Dreams that lie unfulfilled and how my spirit soars when I contemplate stepping through to this next transition.

184. Expectation of God's faithfulness and amazing grace in this next chapter...

185. Simplicity.

The Last 24 Hours

"It's like you have traveler's guilt."  I let my sweet friend's observation settle over me.  Her assertion is warranted and I don't know how to reply.  Inside, my spirit is grieved... Have I acted ungrateful?  What about my sweet husband who always told me he wanted to make my dreams come true by taking me to see the world?  Does he know how thankful I am?  Ugh.  And I wonder for the jillioneth time, what's wrong with me?

I've heard it said that God stirs up a holy discontent.  An unsettling of the heart, heavy with the knowledge that there must be more to do than simply consume.  I still want to see the world.  But my heart is changed.  I want more.

 "Based upon what I believe, that doesn't make sense."  ~ Francis Chan in reference to living a life full of comfort, security and entertainment

My long suffering family, they listen for the trillionth time as I pour out my heart, struggling to articulate this heaviness.  It's LeRoy who announces where we'll begin.  The first country we pray for is Spain.  The next night, it's France.  After that, we lift up Italy.  And on it goes.  Together, we begin to pray for the whole world.  I am relieved.  We are doing something powerful to change the world.  

And this day.  This present day that I have to fully live, fully redeem the time, to make my words the Gospel message in the smallest, (and largest), of encouragements.  To make my deeds preach Salvation in small private victories.  Easier said than done.  It's the epic battle of the wills. 

The children get squirrely, (I'm not the only one engaged in an epic battle of wills...), and someone mentions a bike ride.  Fresh air + physical exertion = antidote to squirreliness.

Brilliance times four set out for a long ride in the forests and fields.  To seize the last of the afternoon sunshine while I stay back in the kitchen to make corn bread to go with dinner: tender beef n' bean stew.

After dinner dishes are cleaned and food put away, we gather in the 'library' for pajama church: a study on angels; and prayer: for each other and the country of Switzerland.  And what family time would be complete without a couple of rounds of Golf or a game of Risk?

This was my view of the sunrise this morning.  I first noticed it when I went to rouse my children and the church bells rung their deep, echoing 6:55 wake up call.  The window was cracked open in the boy's room causing me to shiver as I kissed their chilled foreheads.

To live this day.  Complete and content.  Fully satisfied in Him.  To engage intensely and passionately with the people in my life.  To take nothing for granted.  To love deeply... right where I'm at and if we're blessed with more travel opportunities, then to embrace the wild grace of it all.

Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not.  23. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.  ~ Lamentations 3:22 - 23

Gratitude:
106. New favorite tea, given to me as a gift from a dear friend: Bengal Spice Herbal Tea, Celestial Seasonings.

107. Israel's declaration, "Mama!  I'm becoming to fear over!" and her giggle when she realized how it came out in her excitement.  Her beautiful radiance when she calmly reiterates, "I'm overcoming fear."

108. Brisk autumn walks along paths filled with the schwush, schwush of piles of leaves.

109. Family picnic at the fort in the forest, complete with homemade hot chocolate in a thermos!

110. New favorite candy bar with five layers (five!) of yumminess: Hershey's Take 5.  And the way that it reminds me of favorite afternoons spent at Holly's house and how she'd make 7-layer desserts from the Costco-sized box!

111. That Take 5 candy bars aren't available here, except in October.  (They have about 1,000 ingredients!)

112. Surprise love notes from LeRoy.

113. The extravagant grace from friends who call spontaneously asking if they can come over to visit and "bring dessert, too."  And the love that filled all the spaces when she said, "I think there's someone here who likes chocolate and peanut butter," with a knowing smile because she's one of those people who pays particular attention to what people like and what blesses them.

114. Eli's smile as he holds up a cookie and tells her, "These are my favorite.  Thank you!"

115. A crazy-fun family photo shoot during which our incredible friend, (& Co.), took advantage of the fact that we're a bunch of goofballs and caught the essence of who we are in the process.

116. God's grace.

117. Eli's enthusiasm for adventuring on mountain bikes in the forest and the way he watches out for and is patient with his younger siblings.

21 Days

I Googled "21 days" and came up with 2,810, 000 results.  Apparently, one can develop or change any habit in a 21-day period.  I wasn't aware of this when I sat across from LeRoy on a quiet morning about 25 days ago.  Feeling a sense of urgency, a sense that there's "just gotta be more"... spiritually... physically... mentally...  I got the idea that maybe it's time for our family to undertake the Daniel Fast together.  But, I live in a family of carnivores... and lovers of all things dairy.  And, oh! but those famous weekend breakfasts cooked up by LeRoy complete with scrambled eggs, hash browns, sausage, bacon, pancakes!  Not to mention the sweet-tooths in this family -- myself included.  So, I prayerfully wondered how I could go about getting the family on board with such a project.

A couple of mornings later, as LeRoy and I sat sipping coffee together, the conversation sweet, unhurried, I said, "I was thinking..."

"Wait!  Before you say anymore, can I tell you something that I've been thinking about?"  I nodded.  "I've been thinking that our family needs to do the Daniel Fast."  I blinked.

"You do?"

"Yes.  Now, what were you going to say?"  I smiled.  And so, we decided to begin on June 6th, (with one day that we'd take off on June 11th -- meaning we'd add a day onto the end -- in order to celebrate Isaiah's and Eli's birthdays with friends-who-have-become-family).  To my amazement, the children didn't balk when LeRoy declared the fast to the whole family.  In fact, they took it as a great challenge, (after some wisecracks, of course).

The Daniel Fast is basically a vegan / whole foods way of eating, except that it's limited to fruits, vegetables, whole grains, nuts, legumes, 100% fruit juices, and water.  The first few days were a struggle as our bodies underwent detoxification, causing headaches, general sulkiness, and doubt.  We prayed together, bolstered one another up and by the beginning of the second week, we mostly settled into the new way of eating.

Personally, I prayed and prayed for major breakthroughs as I've noticed that old nemesis of complacency creeping into the moments of our days.  More than anything, I long for our family to love God most.  To love Him completely.  To follow Him into any adventure without a moment's hesitation.  To learn to trust Him, call on Him, depend on Him, find our identity in Him, seek Him.  I prayed that giving up normal, everyday things would make us more sensitive to His touch, His leading... all the ways He loves us and draws us to Himself.

Our family had many conversations throughout the fast with many discussions on what it means to "lose ourselves."  About God's economy in which His math doesn't equal our math.  About laying down our lives.  About sacrifice.  About giving preference to others.  About unconditional Love that knows no bounds.  About this calling to live our lives in such a way as to reveal God's glory.

As we entered week three, the boys, weary of yet another fruit smoothie, another vegan bean dinner, asked what in the world this project had to do with worshiping God.  I looked at them, genuinely empathetic, "You know where Jesus said, 'Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, For they shall be filled.' [Matthew 5:6]  Perhaps this will give us something tangible to relate that to after having given up our favorite foods for 21 days?"  I poured orange pineapple smoothie into tall glasses as we mulled that over.

Yesterday we pondered all the blessings from the last 21 days.  After some funny, very sarcastic comments, like references to this family being the stinkiest we've ever been, the most regular we've ever been, how thankful we'll be that we don't have to go to a friend's BBQ and eat fruit... the children said: "We have more grace on one another."  "We've been more loving, listened better, and we're more understanding."  "We're more considerate of one another."  "I feel more determined to live for what really matters."  (Getting my family to share in my love of all things curry!)

Isaiah summed up the comments by saying, "It's as if I had the coolest, newest, most high-tech video game sitting right in front of me and a few feet away my Bible was sitting there.  I want to be the kind of person who pushes the video game aside and reaches for my Bible instead."  Me, too.

Our family has joined a few other families to go through The Truth Project, a 12-week series to discuss what is truth.  This, along with our nightly family Bible reading, the books we've been reading, the messages we're listening to, the ongoing dialogue with a diverse group of families we spend time with...   We are being bathed in His grace; challenged, blessed, and transformed by His grace.  And what good is it to be recipients of His grace if we hoard it all for ourselves?

"He has created each of us to take the gospel to the ends of the earth, and I propose that anything less than radical devotion to this purpose is unbiblical Christianity."  ~Dr. David Platt, Radical

Over the years, I've come to accept, (oh, who am I kidding?  I'm still learning to accept it...), that our family is a disaster.  A total wreck.  We live precariously, (though I'm convinced not nearly as precarious as we ought).  But the purpose?  If we're not loving people with Christlike Crazy Love...  If we're not sacrificially, wholeheartedly laying it all down, putting everything on the line to love people...   Then it's all frivolity.  Self-centered indulgence.  And I confess, my world is too small.  I like my comfort zone.  I'm great at initiating relationships and dialogue, but lousy in follow through.  So my prayer throughout the fast was that God would transform me into a radical, wholehearted follower of Him who passionately pursues people for Him... to the ends of the earth.  It's still my prayer.  Every day. 

2,810, 000 results.  21 days.  This lifelong process of transformation... sanctification.  Grateful for His grace throughout the moments.  That His glory might be revealed.

Soli Deo gloria.

Thank you, God, for
55. early mornings
56. boy-becoming-man willing to go with me on early-morning runs
57. Your Crazy Love
58. worship choir of birds before dawn breaks!
59. the mission to live radically for Your glory
60. a whole summer of unhurried early-morning family breakfasts!
61. friends who come for tea and conversation every Wednesday
62. open doors and opportunities to live beyond myself
63. new, fun (vegan!) recipes
64. supernatural contentment
65. oldest child setting aside his own agenda to help his sister bandage her finger
66. third oldest pausing to help his sister tie her shoes
67. encouragement, grace, and mercy spoken in potentially provoking situations
68. e-mail from cousin to say her parents are coming with her to Europe (two of my favorite people!)
69. over 3700 e-mails deleted from inbox
70. community
71. faith that grows when I am obedient
72. warm, sunny days followed by chilly, rainy days
73. the request, "When we get home, Dad, will you spend time with me?" and the ensuing time spent with sticks and knives and homemade spears and how-to-carve conversation
74. the stately buck -- with a huge set of antlers -- that stepped out from the woods right in front of us while the boys and I were on our morning run

One Day Without Shoes

Yesterday, April 5th... {long, weary sigh... what do they say, "A day late and a dollar short"?} Ah, well, never mind. I'm passionate enough about this whole YOU WERE BORN TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE... WHAT'S YOUR IDEA TO CHANGE THE WORLD thing that I don't mind how late I am... I've jumped in as soon as I realized.

Realized what, you ask. Well, many (most?) of you probably went without shoes yesterday in honor of "One day without shoes," a day that Blake Mycoskie put in motion to bring about awareness for children who don't have shoes in third world countries. So. Today. I'm going without shoes.

Today. I'm going about my day with bare feet and whenever anyone asks me why I don't have shoes on I'm going to ask them what their idea is that could change the world -- another person's life. I'll tell them about one person's vision and the impact it is having on the world -- how it's changing lives... one life at a time.

And I'm going to think about my little corner of the world... and do some mental/heart inventory... and ask myself these same questions.

How about you? What is your idea to change the world?


Photo: my children at the North Sea just outside of Amsterdam, Netherlands.  July 2009.

The Dare

"What if," I look into their eyes, pause to make sure I have their attention, "for Lent, we did the 40 Day Love Dare as a family?"  I explain the premise of the book, that it's written for married couples to learn to love one another better, but that we could tweak it for a family.  We dialogue about God's passion for us... how that Love Himself would live among us as a man and then give His life for us.  And the children, all enthusiasm, ask me why we have to wait a week until Ash Wednesday, "Can't we start now?"  

So for the next six days the conversations, anticipation, questions... meanings... discussions.  We consider love -- as a verb.  We practice loving attitudes.  We pray.  I quietly smile, expectant of God-size revelations, when oldest child says with relief, "At least we won't have to give up anything." 

One conversation -- two days before Day 1 -- gets heated and I blurt out the challenge borne from my own recent convictions, "I double. dog. dare you... to fast from any sense of self-preservation... all defensiveness... for the duration of Lent."  My boy looks at me, incredulous.  I go on, more in admonishment of self than to him, "To love selflessly.  Completely... selflessly."

He looks at me wide-eyed.  Wild-eyed?  Ponders long.  "That's not... possible!"  I smile gentle, empathetic to this challenge, give his steely resolve time to slowly set in.

This resolve to "...do small things with great love."  ~ Mother Teresa

Day 1 ~ Love is patient.  "Patience brings an internal calm during an external storm."

"For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your [family] at all."

Day 2 ~ Love is kind.  "Patience avoids a problem; kindness creates a blessing.  One is preventive, the other proactive."

"...do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness."

At the end of day 2 my friend asks me how our love dare is going.  I report reflectively, then ask her how their love dare is going.  She reflects, too, and I relate to her account.  Oh, how I relate.  This giving up of self.  Laying it all down to demonstrate... to live... Love. 


Day 3 ~ Love is not selfish.  "Love does not seek its own."  (I Corinthians 13:5)

"It's hard not to care for something you are not investing in.  ...[invest] something [of yourself for your family members] that says, 'I was thinking of you today.'"

Day 4 ~ Love is thoughtful.  "How precious also are Your thoughts to me... How vast is the sum of them!  If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand."  (Psalm 139:17-18)

Ask your family members during the course of the day how they are doing and if there is anything you can do for them.

Day 5 ~ Love is not rude.  "Will you dare to be delightful?"

"Ask your [family members] to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you."

...And this fast from self-justification.  To dare to move from self preservation to brave determination.  To overcome my narcissistic tendencies and behaviors.  To love recklessly.  To pray and pray and pray as I boldly engage my family, longing to bring them on this journey of discovering we have all that we need, abundance overflowing, and that we can freely live to give it all away.

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."  ~ Jim Elliot

"Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat.  But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over.  In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life.  But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal."  (John 12:24-25, The Message)

This laying down of our selfishness, this yielding of our rights.  This journey of joy as we follow Love all the way to the Cross.  To make grace tangible. 

What if... I am intentional about the habit of dying to self in order to live "reckless in my love"?  Do I dare?  Do you? 

Mission Statement

LeRoy hands me a hot mug, the aroma of the coffee and thin wisp of steam invoking tangible grace.  A tow-headed child peeks around the corner, his smile and boy-man "Good morning" whispering tangible grace.

The lavish breakfast cooked up by husband and son working side by side.  The plate of eggs, sausage, and hash browns handed to me by my oldest boy after he asks me, "Can I serve you, Mom?"  Tangible grace.  All our family's values condensed into tangible, concrete motions.

Our original mission statement sits on a shelf near our dining room table... rarely noticed in spite of its visibility.  Wordy.  Somewhat abstract.  The bull's eye too obscure.

Perhaps we'll improve our aim with a clearer target?  This crazy grace.  And it's all grace, isn't it?

When I set it back up on the shelf, I realize the old mission statement ink shows through the paper.  I consider removing the old one from the frame completely and then decide that it's perfect how it is.  What better way to be reminded of this ongoing transformation than to see Grace placed boldly over the top of all my well-intentioned, grandiose "statements."

It's a gorgeous, (and rare) clear day today.  We're headed over to a friend's house... to take a long hike through the woods.  They called a while ago to ask if we would stay on to have dinner with them.

The grace of it all just makes me smile and smile.

Be the Hero

"But that's just the thing, Mom," passion rolls down one cheek, his lip quivers, "I'm not sure who my heroes are."  This being one of those conversations that churns a slow churn in my mind for the next few months.  Who were my heroes at his age?  My aunts and uncles on the Whitworth side.  My grandparents.  My piano teacher.  I had outgrown Wonder Woman and Cinderella.  I remember looking for the real thing, too.

I remember thinking that maybe I wasn't created just to be happy or have stuff.  That maybe I could actually be of some use to the world.  The adults in my life kept telling me that I was "created for a purpose."  And so, I set out on a quest to discover how I might make a dent for justice in the world's craziness.

But the spirit is a tender thing, isn't it?  And dreams get boxed, framed in the "truth of reality."  And what can make the heart beat fast for right, for justice, one moment, can be numbed by the "get real" and you've-got-your-head-in-the-clouds distractions all round. 

And so, after much thinking and prayer, I share the conversation from weeks before with the whole family.  I tell them, "I think you need to trust that God will put heroes in your life along the way but that you're supposed to focus on being the hero."  The dialogue turns lively as I attempt to stoke the spirit, pour fuel on dreams, praying that purpose and passion keep complacency from boxing what can be.

Hope rises as we speak courage into one another, affirming, "You are my hero!" and, "Well, let me tell you why you're my hero, too!"  Reminders of who we are in Christ, that nothing is impossible with God, restores vision.  Replenishes a sense of wonder.

Yet, even with my passion for all things words, splashed generously across pages in books, in beloved letters received joyously in mailbox, spoken over one's mind to set deep in the soul, I am exasperated by words.  Because without actually going out onto the field to face into the struggle, locker room pep talks fall flat.  I'm tired of the hype.  I want to change.  Really change.  Not just talk about dreams placed in the heart, but actually live them.  Powerfully.  Purposely.

My friend, Kenna, always challenged my verbalizing of lofty goals with, "How are you going to measure that?"  Indeed.  And isn't this the way to make the moments count all the way into eternity? 


"So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom."  ~Psalm 90:12
 

I start to break it down, to make it measurable, realizing -- this painstakingly slow realization -- that taking one measurable step after another leads one to heroically live beyond oneself, to be in that place where a dream becomes humanly impossible, but completely possible through His Spirit.

To live in that place where faith produces courage to step into the God-gap, that place where a full surrender is, like my sweet friend, Jeri, told me the other day, that moment where the launch into the atmosphere takes our breath away.

Oh!  How I long to live with complete abandon!  To be the kind of mama who demonstrates by example -- instead of lengthy monologues -- what it means to be the hero!  I long to change this year, to grow in areas where I've previously stayed grounded because it was safer, calmer, more manageable.  I want to take back the territories I gave to fear.   

"Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."  ~Matthew 19:26

In a series of sprints with a marathon or two thrown in along the way, (metaphorically speaking, of course), I'm learning to dream far bigger than what I can "realistically" manage, taking one measurable step at a time, longing to leave a wake of integrity and faith.  Perhaps a wake in which one following behind might find courage?

"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."  ~Philippians 3:14 

*Photos of oldest son, Eli, whose courage, kindness, patience, sense of humor, vision, faith, sense of justice and inner strength makes him one of my greatest heroes.  Not just me, but to siblings with trembling passion, too!  First photo: at the Heidelberg Castle in Heidelberg, Germany; Second photo: roasting marshmallows in G'ma Kathy's backyard in Spokane; Third photo: running with the iron statues in Riverfront Park in Spokane, Washington.