Sunday, February 24, 2013

How I (intend to) Face Fear

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary's third definition of epiphany is:  "a (3) : an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure."  

I made this commitment to write every day.  And I have written rambled every day since.  And then cringed at the thought of hitting the Publish key.  So I didn't.  And this... this has forced me to evaluate what this 40-day goal is supposed to accomplish.  I love reading other people's blogs... whimsical, funny, inspiring, challenging.  Composed.  Intelligent.  Articulate.  Eloquent.  Excellent.  And somewhere along the way, I decided I didn't... wait for it... long sigh... I didn't compare.  Don't ya hate that.  I mean, I'm not saying you've ever done that, but don't you hate it when people compare themselves to others?

And there's the epiphany.  I don't mind risk... as long as the results are relatively close to how I think it should all turn out.  As long as I feel... safe.  Ha!  Oh the irony!  As soon as the endeavor takes a turn from the expected outcome, I shut down the operation -- or close the door of the conference room while I over-analyze, entertaining the illusion of perfection.  "Wait!  Don't let that get out to the public!  I have a reputation to protect!" (rolling eyes at myself)

Time to take back territory.  That being said, henceforth, (a rambling word if there ever was one), I will hit the Publish key by the end of every day for the rest of this season.  This season of implementing a habit into my life.  I'll try not to ramble (too much), but I won't let fear or pride keep me from moving forward into (what feels like) vulnerable places.  I am determined to press into Spirit, conquer this desert of fear, lay down perfectionism and ego on the altar.

A friend and I were laughing the other day as I told her that we've never owned a bathroom scale, so when I visit other people's homes and I see a scale in their bathroom, I weigh myself.  (There's a little tidbit about myself.  I don't look in the cabinet, though.  At least, not usually.)  She laughed as she said she would never do that on the chance that the weight might not clear itself after she steps off, revealing her weight to anyone who happened to see the scale after she left.

So there it is.  I'm stepping on the "scale" taking a chance that the "numbers" won't clear and my ramblings will be thrown into cyberspace...


  1. Oh, the scale part just made me laugh. I love it.

    Your writing is good. More please.

    1. Bethany, thank you. for the way you pour courage into me. Love you, friend.