Wednesday, July 9, 2014

When I'm Completely On Board With the Mission, But I Panic Anyway

You've heard me say I must be Abba's favorite girl? It's just so amazing and sweet how He constantly surprises me with these Grace gifts that remind me how much He loves me. I'll tell you about today.

So, you know how my children are growing up in a home in which we preach the value of relationships. Oh, not so much in sermons and lectures. (Oh wait, there's an excess of those, too. oops.)

But, in light of eternity, well, people are all we get to take to Heaven with us. This is one of those subjects that I'm pretty passionate about.

I've been hanging out in the Book of Acts recently and, mygoodness! It's all about people! And Jesus. And people deciding to go all in following Jesus. And there are thousands of people coming together in community, becoming disciples of Jesus, encouraging one another, even selling all they have in order to give to anyone who has need. Some of them are persecuted. Some of them go to prison. Some stay up all night praying. And it gets outlandish and radical. Like when the Gospel is taken to the Gentiles, they believe in Jesus, and they're filled with the Holy Spirit, too. Yep. Read it for yourself. It reads like a suspense thriller with all the fast-paced action complete with chase scenes and mystical prison breaks and martyrdom. There's even moments of humor. (Seriously? Maybe Rhoda came from a family of over-reactors. Then again, like I have room to judge.) And the running theme? Relationships.

I know we're called to love people. Here's the irony: I'm an extreme introvert. I mean, in my head, I wield bullet proof bracelets, speak German and Russian like Jason Bourne, and am rescuing captives like, like, oh well like, Christine Caine. Of course. In my head, I'm a socialite who floats through crowds of people, connecting and laughing with people clustered in groups of three and four. We talk politics and sports and the latest on the Dow Jones. I converse easily with the fashionistas in the room complimenting them on that scarf and mentioning so-and-so's delicious salad recipe and asking about their upcoming family vacation.

In real life I make jokes about agoraphobia. And, oh! how I relate to Alexandra, the character played by Jodie Foster in Nim's Island. She too, writes fantastical stories about "the world's greatest adventurer." But she stays inside. And avoids people.

So when I told Jesus He could reign over my heart and my whole life so many years ago...  When I confessed to Him that I'd made a mess of things and well, goodness, what in the world did it mean to follow Him anyway? Spirit whispered, I'll show you. And in my heart, I followed. And He spoke over His shoulder as we walked into what-I-had-no-idea, you'll want to buckle up.

He changed everything. He keeps changing everything. That whole thing about transformation? Well, the truth is is that if your perspective changes, everything changes. And over time, it became apparent that -- this little tourist gig here on earth, this blip in the grand scheme of forever -- I want my priorities to matter. In light of eternity.

Hence the mission to live a lifetime of building relationships. And for my social husband, this suits him just great! And my super extroverted, fun-loving oldest... and, well, all my children. It's the culture they were raised in. Not just by us, but our entire spiritual community, "Love Jesus. Love people." I'm thankful for that. Incredibly so.

So, why do I feel panicky two hours before our people are scheduled to arrive? And why do I nearly always battle this panic in spite of the fact that as soon as their beautiful faces come through the door, the panic leaves, leaving me with nothing but gladness in my heart to be in their presence?

It doesn't make any sense.

Then today, on the cusp of a send-off celebration for our oldest, and processing that we'll have the honor (I honestly do see it as an honor... especially, like I said, when these people whom I love with all my heart come through the door), of hosting a gzillion people...

Here's what I can't wait to share with you. I found this today, laying on the end table in my basement:

Left by a little, (how you minister to my heart, Elan!), it reads, "Welkom to ohur Home. we sellebraght people. kom over." (Punctuation added.) See what I mean? It's an entire community loving one another. Encouraging one another. Praying for one another. Celebrating one another!

I'm overcome with gratitude for this community that continues to invest so much into our family. I don't know where we'd be without your constant love and support.


  1. I feel ya! From one redeemed introvert to another--can't wait to have you and yours back on this side of the ocean, so we can celebrate people together. Come over! Is it too soon to ask if you have plans for Christmas?